


A Gift Worth Losing

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, One-Sided Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman, Pining Jared Kleinman, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26095285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jared never got gifts but he's sure Evan was an exception.[one-sided kleinsen one shot]
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	A Gift Worth Losing

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to finally post. This is bad, I know, and short but feedback is welcomed. I've been scared to post anything on here so kudos would be nice.

There's something about Evan's eyes, Jared notices, the way they seem to get a little bit brighter and wider any time he's near Jared. It makes Jared feel special, an odd thing he's not used to, and it lets him forget about his family trouble, failing grades, and dark fear that he'll never be good enough.

'Cause he _knows_ he's good enough for Evan; good enough to the point where his dark form of humor makes Evan laugh this… This _cherry_ of a laugh. And Jared smiles because Evan is _smiling_ and Evan is _laughing_ and Evan looks like the beautiful Apollo, and there is _nothing_ that can stop Jared from feeling like God in this moment.

It's times like these that he loves most; the few times where he is capable of making Evan laugh without even trying.

Perhaps, it is a gift. A gift that lets Jared remember that time in the bathroom, late Christmas night at Evan's house. He had been dropped off - "tossed aside" - at their doorstep because his mother had a business trip and his father had "more important things to deal with at work."

He was alone, for a long time. Evan was smiling, broken but _smiling_ , and Miss Hansen was smiling and they were _such_ a happy family even after being broken for _so long._ Jared couldn't help but have been jealous. His parents weren't doing so well, neither were Evan's but at least _they_ had a grasp of what they were doing.

  
So Jared hid. He shied away for the _first time_ in his young life. There was no need for him in that living room: opening presents that weren't meant for him or eating a cake that he gave no effort to help bake.

He hid but Evan was there.

He was _always_ there, Jared learned, when he needed him the most. He was never aware of how much Evan's presence had comforted him. At least not till that night in the bathroom… Where they sat, Evan on the counter and Jared on the floor, silence filling the air except for the small sniffle here and there.

None of the gifts that night were for him but, if he believes hard enough, perhaps Evan was his gift. A smiling gift who made Jared's heart skip a beat and made his hands clam up. A gift that would be with him always…

But there are gifts meant to be shared. Evan wasn't his to keep and Jared _knew_ this. Even now, as he watches Evan fling his arms around the tall goth, Jared understands that he needs to give his gift some space to grow. He can't be there for Jared and Jared can't be there for him.

He laughs to himself; small, unnoticeable.

Jared will _always_ be there for Evan, even if he doesn't want to be... 'Cause he's trapped in a cycle of yearning for something he can't have; yearning for a place to call home - a place that used to be Evan but he can't _have_ him forever. He's meant to grow old and move on, Jared _knows_ this but... It's a hard thing to accept.

Jared smiles up at Connor. It goes unnoticed.

He's back to being alone with his programming but something is different this time; Connor is here to wrap an arm around Evan and Jared is no longer needed. No more snarky comments and self-deprecating jokes to fill the silence. It's now laughter and cooing and Jared is sick to his stomach.

Yet, when he looks at Evan, something within him tries to break free and he... he _smiles_...

He really is in an endless cycle, isn't he?


End file.
